Black Leather Dance
by Fighter le Faye
Summary: Sephiroth and Demyx fight...and not in combat. Throw in an audience and judges, take out the rules, and you got one crazy story. Who will win? For MysticSpiritus --- FF009.


****

Funny one-shot that my friend MysticSpiritus helped me think of-has to do with an avatar I saw and put up about Demyx. This one's for her! Enjoy!

**So sorry its SO late. Hope it helps lighten the weight on your shoulders after all you've been through lately (hold out the phoenix downs) This time, I'm ready if you die of laughter, just in case.**

**Sephiroth vs. Demyx...****This had to happen, folks! Why has no one done it yet? Anyway, expect randomness. I mean this is WAY random. (If you've read my FFVII story "This Is Madness" you know how I can get) 'C****ourse if you're looking at this right now, it's likely you like the weird. Just use your imagination. **

**DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR SONGS! The insanity starts in 5…4**

**Sora: Wait, seriously!? Can I be a judge?**

**FF009: 3…2…**

**Cloud: Demyx better win.**

**FF009: 1!**

* * *

The Castle That Never Was hovered in front of the One-Winged Angel. Sephiroth stared haughtily at it, the adrenaline flowing through him, knowing one of the most important battles he'd ever have was about to start. He spread his magnificent black wing out wide and flew inside the stronghold.

_(Flashback)_

Sephiroth was wondering through Radiant Garden, looking for Cloud or Aerith.

Seriously, why was that woman still alive?

His search took him into the town, going through alleyways and marketplaces to find them. As he was strolling along, a klutzy black-hooded man bumped into his shoulder, who was followed by Cloud, Aerith, Cid, Tifa and Yuffie, who was screaming, "GIVE IT BACK DEMYX!"

What the hell?

Sephiroth shook his head.

Since when did Cid quit smoking?!

There should be a law against touching the badass villain when he doesn't want you to—unfortunately Tetsuya Nomura never created one for the popular swordsman.

The guy kept running on without glancing back, his enemies screaming after him, trailing after as fast as they could until they all became dots on the horizon. But Sephiroth wouldn't have that.

Sephiroth grinned and flew after the hooded one, the Masamune appearing in his left hand. He gained air and throw a shower of fire onto him. The man caught on fire, a very amusing sight since he screamed like a sissy and ran in circles. Yuffie and the others had stopped just in time to save themselves

"YEOWCH!!" the guy yelped, jumping up and down with embers on his coat, failing to notice the deadly sword coming down. Cloud's huge sword blocked it, halting his offense. Sephiroth sneered.

"Out of the way, Cloud."

"No, I'm your enemy," he replied coolly. Sephiroth rolled his icy green eyes and brushed him aside with a careless sweep of his sword, stalking to the whimpering guy.

"He's mine now," he said, stopping in front of the guy, who jumped to his feet. The others stared in shock.

"I'm sorry, Mister Sephiroth I'm not a fighter," he said and throw off his hood, revealing his mohawk. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow; the hairstyle was stranger than Cloud's. "I'm a musician, a dancer!"

"…" Cloud and the others were struck silent at Demyx's stupidity.

"…all right," Sephiroth whispered, not understanding the Nocturne, and took another step forward.

Demyx blinked. "So…you'll let me go?"

"No."

Demyx whimpered like a puppy as the silver-haired man put the sharp tip of his blade in front of his face. Tifa dashed forward and ran to the Nobody's side, her sheet of brown hair falling over one shoulder.

"Wait!"

"Uh…no." He tightened his grip; Tifa always tried to stop him at the most annoying times.

Tifa scowled furiously, slapping the weapon out of Demyx's frightened face and took a step forward, getting into her battle stance. Sephiroth sighed at all the distractions, running a hand through his silky hair.

"Do you want me to hurt you?"

"We're your enemy! Leave him out of this," Aerith called out behind Cid.

"So?" Sephiroth was not getting why they were all butting in. Demyx looked from one to the other in surprise. "I want to kill him. Move aside."

Demyx pushed his chest out and stepped in front of the woman, who gasped at him.

"Sephiroth, as a member of Organization XIII, I challenge you! And I just have four words for you…"

"…"

"…"

Sephiroth motioned his hand around for him to continue. "Go on…"

Demyx got serious and pointed out to him.

"You. Me. Dance off."

_(End Flashback)_

No man whose hairstyle was worse than Sephiroth's pointed at him and lived to tell about it, so he had to accept. After Demyx the rest of this Organization XIII would be dead. He'd become ruler of the planet next week.

Demyx told him to come to the Hall of Empty Melodies to have their dance off. There'd be an audience, judges, and DDR at one point. Sephiroth could only hope his enemies wouldn't be watching.

Sephiroth dropped to the ground in Twilight's View, seeing two guys in a black coat like Demyx's standing at the entryway to the hall, one holding a clipboard in his hands. A loud line of people which included Aladdin, Jasmine, Aerith, Olette, Seifer with Fuu and Rai, Mulan, and Jack Sparrow, who was trying to flirt with Mulan.

Sephiroth blinked.

Yeah. He just blinked.

"All right, next!" Luxord yelled, looking down to his clipboard with Lexaeus at his side. The next guests stepped up, giving their names. Mulan noticed the SOLIDER standing on the landing below and gasped out loud.

"Hey, it's him!"

Jack turned around with a bit of a swagger to Sephiroth. He narrowed his eyes in deep thought before pointing at him in recognition.

"Oh…Zelimoth!!"

Fuu, Rai and Seifer turned around in time to see Sephiroth's offended expression. Mulan looked at the pirate like he was crazy.

"_What?_ It's Sephiroth," Mulan corrected, shaking her head. Jack walked up to him with no fear, staring at him in amusement. Sephiroth folded his arms.

"Don't you know who I am, mate?" Jack asked.

Sephiroth simply stared at him coolly.

"…I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack continued smoothly, throwing his arms out.

"Of course you are," Sephiroth mumbled, walking around him with his head down to get his dance over with. Jack turned around in a flash, his kohl lined eyes shining in confidence.

"Wait now, I believe I do know who you are," he said, taking a step to Sephiroth, who turned around halfway. Jack brought his hand to his mouth, thinking.

"What makes you say that?"

Jack nodded to himself and looked at him, speaking fluidly.

"Aye. Wasn't your mother a beautiful lass who romanced with a goth but ended up leaving him and ran off to a slimly researcher who fathered you but both failed to raise you?"

"No. That doesn't ring a bell."

"Bugger. Wrong kid, I guess."

* * *

Being in the Hall of Empty Melodies was crazy and noisy. On the upper levels were the audience—which happened to be Cloud and all his friends, most of Organization XIII, Leon and many more—placing bets on who would win. On the ground floor was a long table with three chairs at one end and DDR systems on the other side. A few people were scattered in the middle, including Demyx. Sephiroth walked up to him.

Demyx, along with Xemnas and Yuffie, turned to him.

"Are you ready to lose Sephiroth?" Demyx challenged with a smile. Sephiroth smirked down at him.

"Be ready to beg for mercy when I'm done," he said with an evil purr. Demyx shivered, losing his happy smile. Xemnas peered down to him. Yuffie started yelling to people over her shoulders.

"Uh, Superior, you really wouldn't let Sephy—"

"Don't call me that," Sephiroth snarled.

"Kill me…would ya?" Demyx gulped. Xemnas blinked twice at the thought and shrugged.

"Yes, I would. You don't do much around here."

Demyx wailed out a sob and fell to the ground, grabbing onto Xemnas's legs. Up on the balconies, the Organization was watching in interest.

"You realize if Demyx's loses we'll never have to listen to his campfire songs again?" Roxas pointed out, shoveling buttery popcorn into his mouth. Namine side-glanced at him, who was sitting next to a slightly intrigued Zexion. A calm Saix frowned but hide his hope—he was betting on Sephiroth.

"But that'll leave a bad mark on the Organization," Namine said, leaning forward as Xemnas tried to walk off the boy. Xaldin and Xigbar nodded, not able to look away from the entertainment.

"Should you help him?" Leon asked, looking over to Xigbar on his right side, who was still watching Xemnas getting angrier, his Aerial Blades now trying to pry Demyx off.

"Naw," he said, waving him away. Aerith and Cloud exchanged a 'I can't believe we know them' look.

"Oh my _GOD!_" Marluxia suddenly gasped, bolting into a stand, looking horrified. Everyone looked at him funny.

"What is it?" Larxene asked with a frown.

"_HE'SPRETTIERTHANME!!" _the Assassin screeched with his eyes on Sephiroth. Roxas's blue eyes went big before they shone in confusion; Namine sweatdropped along with Leon and the rest of the Radiant Garden Restoration Committee at how serious he was. Zexion sighed sadly, reading a book called "How to Live a Sane Nonexistent Life" that he pulled out at random.

"What? Calm down, man," Axel laughed. Marluxia immediately grabbed the front of his coat and pulled him up close.

"_CALMDOWN?! _Don't you realize what this means?!"

"I really hope you don't kiss me, I don't swing that way," Axel said with a scowl, wondering how he was suddenly this close to Marluxia.

Luxord edged away, pretending not to know them while Zexion sighed again. Saix was steadily getting angry, clenching his fists and lowering his head, a low grumble rumbling off his body.

"Did you not notice this crisis?_"_ Marluxia said desperately, spitting into the pyro's face. The red head recoiled away in trauma. "Look at that hair! How is this possible?"

"SHUT UP, YOU DRAMA QUEEN!!"Saix roared, bringing his claymore over their heads.

"Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready!?" Yuffie called out from a microphone and almost everyone cheered.

Saix relaxed back into his chair next to an unmoved Zexion, breathing out. Larxene pulled Marluxia back down, looking ashamed.

"I _said_, ARE YOU READY!?" Yuffie completely yelled into the microphone. Everyone screamed. Sephiroth's hand twitched in longing for his sword—Yuffie was on his list. What's his list? Don't ask, or you'll be on it.

"Yes…we are so glad you all could attend, to witness the battle, the dance, you've all been waiting to see! I know I have."

The fans roared. Demyx waved up to them frantically, beaming.

"All right! Now let's introduce the opponents," Yuffie started, coming up to Demyx's side. "Demyx!"

Everyone cheered, some laughing. Xigbar whistled while Demyx blushed and waved up to them.

"Okay, okay," Yuffie said, walking over to Sephiroth. "Now, the one and only: Sephiroth!"

More cheers erupted, Cloud and Marluxia's booing discreet with Larxene's whistling.

"All right, now. Who will win? Only their moves will tell. Now meet the judges who will help decide who the best is," Yuffie smiled, backing toward the table where three certain people were seated. "The leader of Organization XIII: Manse—I mean Xemnas! My close friend: Tifa!! And the Keyblade Master: Sora!!"

People were shouting out at the top of their lungs, some stomping their feet for more noise. The three judges (excluding Xemnas…) smiled and waved up once. Sephiroth sighed.

"Let's get this started all ready, Yuffie," Sephiroth said, shifting his weight. Yuffie rolled her eyes but did as he said. She led them to the DDR systems and back away so they could step up. At once Sephiroth turned to her.

"No."

"You have to," Yuffie sighed. He narrowed his emerald eyes. Behind them, Demyx was stretching out. "You did agree to it."

"Fine," Sephiroth growled and stepped up on his platform. Demyx got up and threw his hand out to shake the warrior's.

"Well, may the best man win."

"Remove your hand before I cut it off for you."

"Okie-dokie," Demyx said with a shiver, forcing a smile before turning to him monitor. Sephiroth glared at Yuffie, who hurried on.

"Okay, folks. The first match is a battle of DDR. Obviously, the one who gets the most correct moves wins, but our judges can add their opinions to see if there needs to be more dancing."

The machines lit up, ready for the competitors. Demyx tensed up, excitement in his eyes. Sephiroth barely moved.

"Guys, get ready," Yuffie shouted. "And…go!"

It had to be the most screwed up form of twisted entertainment Cloud Strife had ever seen. And he had witnessed a drunken Cid crash a Gummi ship in the ocean while singing a Britney Spears song.

But this was so much better.

Sephiroth was dancing to "Butterfly" in a DDR battle against Demyx, and he was dancing! He flipped out his cell phone, filming the scene for future blackmail. Marluxia laughed, bumping his fist on Cloud's.

"Send me a copy," the Nobody whispered. The blonde nodded, unable to stop smirking, thinking how sweet revenge was. Those two had many plans in store for the silver-haired man.

That silver-haired man, though looking like he wanted to murder everyone nearby, was hitting every step on time. Occasionally he missed a step because his hair got in the way, and would growl. Of course, Demyx was breezing through, smiling all the way.

Leaning forward, Sora had starry eyes, thinking both contestants were cool. The other two, however…Xemnas had slowly turned to Tifa with a raised eyebrow, eyes wide in shock at the woman. "…is...is your nose bleeding?"

"No," she said too quickly, covering her blushing face. Xemnas frowned at her. The martial artist sighed, giving in. "Okay! There's just something very…arousing about watching men dance in leather. I'm a normal woman."

"Kingdom Hearts save me," Xemnas cried into his hands, hearing way, way, way too much information. Tifa shrugged, watching with Sora as the song ended.

Demyx was on fire. Not literally, of course.

But he was in the lead, and then the final note ended. Yuffie bounced up at once, facing up to the audience.

"Alright! Well…looking at the results, the victor is Demyx," Yuffie announced, and everyone cheered, Marluxia and Cloud shooting up out of their seats and whooping the loudest. Saix and Larxene twitched.

Who would have ever thought Marluxia and Cloud would become friends?

The two contestants walked by Yuffie. Demyx was beaming, waving up to his brotherhood until Sephiroth tripped him, looking away unemotionally. Demyx rebounded back up, rubbing the back of his head with big watery eyes.

"Alright, judges, your words? Should another round be done to decide the champion?" the ninja asked lightly, stepping in between the two men so Demyx wouldn't be tossed off the edge to his death. "Xemnas?"

Tifa elbowed the Superior hard, who was staring up at his Kingdom Hearts moon. He started and blinked, seeing everyone was staring at him.

"Right…Demyx you're okay," he said, confused at what he had to do. Demyx gasped in happy surprise, eyes glowing. "Sephiroth, you're good. Yeah, hope you win."

"Hey!" Demyx cried with a quivering lip, big puppy dog eyes on his leader, making the audience go, "AW!"

Tifa gave a warm smile to Demyx as the noise died down. She flipped her hair back gently, sighing. "Well, Demyx you were obviously better than Sephiroth—" She was cut off when Cloud whooped in approval, making Tifa blush. Sephiroth glared darkly up to the blonde. "But one more dance will be needed at least, I think. Sora?"

The spiky-haired boy grinned, excitement in him. "I agree! It's still too early to decide. SO…" The Keyblader turned to the other two. All exchanged a look and nodded before speaking as one:

"FREESTYLE!!"

"YAY!"

_**"WHAT?!"**_

It's obvious which dancer said what. Yuffie nodded, briefing the murmuring audience on what would happen. Sephiroth took the opportunity to summon his sword, marching up to the judges; they were on the top of his list—boy, was that list getting big.

"What the hell?" Sephiroth hissed, pointing his sword at Sora, since he reminded him most of Cloud. Tifa frowned at him while Xemnas simply watched, silently hoping he would kill Sora for him. "Why do I have to dance more?"

"Because we said so," Tifa replied, wondering why no one was noticing they were dangerously close to being stabbed; knowing from experience with this man, it is not a fun event. "Judges' right."

"Alright then," Yuffie said, stepping away from Demyx, who was in the center of the floor. "First up is Demyx. Show us your best moves!"

Demyx looked to the ground as music started to play and "Please Don't Stop The Music" came out. Sephiroth looked shock when he busted out to the beat. Cloud and Marluxia started a chant of Demyx's name that went with the music, most of the crowd chanting with them.

"Please don't stop the Dem-yx! Dem-yx! Dem-yx! Dem-yx!"

Sephiroth folded his arms, watching without the flicker of an eye when something moved in the corner of his eye. He let his vision unfocus to try to see it better and turned around slightly to see what the small moving object was in the shadows behind them. He blinked, deciding to walk over to it.

He bent down when the creature tried to hop up on his knee, then it whispered something in his ear, making Sephiroth smirk arrogantly. They pulled back and shook hands.

"Deal," Sephiroth whispered with a nod. The little creature grinned with a sound of joy and the man walked away to see Demyx finishing in a pose.

The moment was perfect. Sephiroth motioned behind him while side-stepping. At once, a blue blur shot out like a bullet, just as Demyx rose up from his bow. The next series of actions actually made Sephiroth laugh out loud.

Yuffie and the judges all stared in shock as a blue ball rammed into Demyx's back, sending the Nobody flying into the ground. The crowd's "Dem-yx!" got cut off in a funny sounding gasp at the violence. Amongst them, a girl's voice cried out the name "Stitch!" in frustration. Sephiroth felt a tear leak out as his accomplise Stitch rolled around and smacked Demyx silly, just enough to make him disoriented.

Cloud and Marluxia were the first to yell at the alien to stop, holding out their weapons to the scene. Xemnas's eyes were so big, torn between confusion (at how one of his own was getting beat up by some ball of fluff) and anger (over the fact that Demyx really was weak).

Tifa had screamed and stood up with Sora. Stitch laughed rather loudly at his success.

"What do we do?!" Tifa shouted over all the chaos, not noticing Cloud and Marluxia were being held back by the Organization and a random fight broke out between Seifer, Axel and _Captain _Jack Sparrow, quite a sight for any fan girl to behold.

Sora opened his mouth right when Demyx let out a scream, being bitten by the delighted creature.

Leon was frozen, trying to get his brain to function again at the bizzare scene. The pirate, done with Seifer, swaggered over to the gunblader, seeing these kind of things often. He narrowed his eyes at the scene below before side-glancing the brunette.

"I take it, this is a bad thing?" Jack asked. Leon was still unresponsive. "Right?"

"Ha ha, I like fluffy!" Stitch yelled out.

"I'm not fluffy!!" Demyx cried.

Sephiroth was laughing like he had snapped sanity again, failing to notice Cloud had finally jumped down to rescue Demyx. The man squared his shoulders, holding up the Buster Sword.

"Get off of him, you...fluffly...blue thing, _what_...?" Cloud stopped, hearing how ridiculous he was sounding. "Damn it. Calling out Sephiroth is much easier..."

"OH! Shiny!" Stitch exclaimed, pointing to Cloud's spiky hair while holding Demyx. He dropped him, his big innocent eyes only on this hero. "Shiny, shiny!" Cloud blinked at the sudden action, slightly lowering his blade.

"What? I'm not shiny..."

"Gold hair...shiny..."

"Uhh, all right...," Cloud whispered, keeping himself turned to the thing while he edged to Demyx. He pulled Demyx up under the armpit, staring oddly as Stitch kept staring, his ear twitching once. "Now..."

"Shiny?"

"No, I'm Cloud, my name is Cloud."

Stitch pointed up out the windows to a real cloud.

"No!"

"Cloud..."

"Yeah, that's my name."

"Stitch...my name...Stitch..."

Demyx held his breath as Cloud kept talking. "Hi, Stitch," he said softly, giving a nod.

_"My name is Cloud..."_

"Eh?"

_"I have a sword,"_ Stitch sang. _"I fight cactuars, because I'm bored."_

Sephiroth was simply crying and laughing, unable to breathe. Cloud was as still as a statue.

_"I like to ride, on chocobos. It's better than, having afros!"_

"Is that the--"

"Cloud song!" Tifa laughed, falling to her knees. Demyx covered his mouth, eyes shining.

Cloud's eye twitched.

_"...Because I am Cloud, my hair defies all gravity!"_

"Come here!" Cloud finally shouted, running for Stitch, who seemed very happy at this.

"Yay! Yummy, shiny hair!!"

"What the he--OH MY--" Cloud was cut off when he yelled in horror, his hair proceeding to be bitten by Stitch. He yelled more, furiously swinging his sword around to detach him. Demyx had immediately jumped away, running over to the judges. "GET HIM OFF!!"

"Cloud, hold still!" Tifa yelled out, who had hopped over the table.

_"NO!!"_ he screeched as he ran blindly by, almost chopping through Demyx. Poor Stitch wasn't having as much fun with this hair; its spikes were impaling and tasted funny.

"Cloud, I can't help if you keep moving."

"NO, SOMEONE HELP ME ALREADY!!"

By this point, Sephiroth was practically splitting his sides with laughter. Two birds with one stone. Now he definately loved the color blue. Sora turned to him, stunned at the sight of Sephiroth.

"Sephiroth, you planned this?!" Sora demanded to know. Recovering, the man tried to breathe, his broad shoulders still shaking with laughter.

"Yes."

"But that's against the rules--ah!" Sora stopped, paling when Sephiroth's long sword was presented before. He smirked, lifting his chin. "If we name you winner will you stop Stitch?"

"Mm...yeah."

Sora sighed while Xemnas and Tifa looked over, frowning. Sora groaned.

"Come on. I'm going to die if we don't do it," he urged, looking over his shoulder. "Let's do it, okay?"

"Yeah," Tifa nodded.

"No," Xemnas said, seizing this oppurtunity. The two judges stared at him with threatening glares (Sora holding out his Keyblade) both choosing to temporarily ignore Cloud's screams for mercy. The ex-scientist sighed. "Fine."

Sephiroth smiled, lowering his arm with a pleasant expression on his face. He whistled.

Instantly Stitch stopped and flicked his head around to the silver-haired man. He nodded his head to the side. Stitch groaned like a kid who had to go back inside, but he went to the man, climbing up to his shoulder. Sephiroth stared back at the judges.

Cloud, on his knees, ran his hands in the slobber-covered hair. He twitched in disgust.

"Uh, everyone?" Sora called out to the audience. More like a mob now.

"QUIET!!" Namine screamed. Everyone got quiet (Cid punched someone real quick before settling down). They all stared down at the group below.

"Uh...due to...um, certain conditions," Sora said, scratching his head. Demyx folded his arms, sighing wearily. "And some difficulties..."

Xemnas, rolling his eyes, wrenched the microphone from his enemy, sending Sora toppling backwards.

"The winner by surrender is Sephiroth!"

After a short second, everyone cheered for the winner, quite confused as to when that happened. Sephiroth smirked arrogantly as Stitch cheered with them, waving up to all of them.

Those two would definately work together in the future.

* * *

**_FF009_**

**And together they ruled the world! J/k**

**What? ****I swear I wasn't high writing this. Blame Captain Jack Sparrow! **

**I can write good fight scenes, but dancing isn't something I write; it's something I do! So, I apologize if you were wanting to see way more of that. That's why I said to use your imagination. And who has heard the Cloud Song? If you haven't go to my profile and look in the FFVII part. A link is there.**

**(And I know I called Vincent Valentine a goth. Sorry dude, it was for the scene.)**

**Well?? How was it? Was there any certain parts you liked most? Okay, I'm gonna go now.**

**FF009**


End file.
